Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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