Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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