no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
