I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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