so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
