My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
