Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
