Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
