kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
