I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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