if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
