Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
