i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Is her dick bigger than yours?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
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