It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
