New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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