So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
