Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
