I'm lost and stupid without you.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
