took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
