i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
