I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
