Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
