I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
This is the high leading the old right now
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
