i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Randomize
