Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I love having hate sex.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
