Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
