I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
