I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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