i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
