Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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