I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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