I must be too annoying 4 u.
i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
