his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Randomize
