just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
