Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
