Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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