fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
