College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
