I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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