I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
