i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
