Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize
