I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Randomize
