make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
