i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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