she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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