My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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