I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
high people should be assigned attendants
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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