obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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