you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
